Andy Online

In my extremely, ridiculously humble opinion, Scarface is one of the greatest movies of all time. That being said, I also think that it is one of the most misunderstood movies of all time.

I used to work retail. I used to work retail at a mall. Ugh. It wasn’t even a good mall. It’s the kind of mall that was good about 15 years ago, but now when you go there you wonder why they’re still open. Because of this, the mall would attract many wannabe gangsters. Every other person that walked into my store looked the same: pants so big that they’d have to walk around with one hand holding them up, ball cap with a perfectly flat bill worn crooked, cubic zirconium grill, using words like “aight” and reeking so bad of weed that I would routinely get headaches. An overwhelming majority of these jackasses wore a Scarface t-shirts.

What the hell? Why would anyone even remotely “gangsta” think that movie is cool? Ok, back up a moment. The movie starts well for Tony. He is ambitious, uncompromising, confident. He knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. He gets respect from his fellow drug runners and he gets the girl. Great traits for a role model.

Then the second half of the movie happens.

Lets see, what happens in the third act again? Oh yeah, Tony abandons his mother, gets left by his wife, murders his best friend, causes his sister to be shot, gets pumped full of hot lead and dies in his fountain. I want to be just like him when I grow up. On a positive note, he was on enough cocaine to kill a small rhinoceros when he died.

Seriously, what are these no-brain wank-jobs thinking? This is the only scenario I can think of: The only version of this movie these gobshites have ever seen is a copy from their friend’s cousin’s roommate that they taped off of tv. But, unfortunately, the last half was taped over with an episode of American Idol. How else can Tony Montana look good to you?

I don’t get it.

I’m the greatest man that ever lived…sorry, I’m listening to the new Weezer album as I write this. So, Kung Fu Panda, where do I begin? Overall this was an enjoyable movie. I must say that I am a fan of the Jack Black. The opening scene was a dream that “Po”, the Panda, had about being a kung fu master. I would venture to guess that a majority of which was Mr. Black’s improvisation. “There’s no charge for awesomeness!” Pure gold.

I do have to say that it was interesting having “kung fu masters” voiced by the “pot-smoking” Seth Rogan (Mantis) and the “blue” David Cross (Crane). I don’t know that I would have cast them in these roles, but I think that they added a great deal to the movie. This movie was cast very well. Dustin Hoffman did a wonderful job as Master Shifu. Animated films always have great casts, usually due to the fact that they don’t have to get everyone in the same room at the same time.

The story has been done many times before; The unlikely hero has to overcome his self-doubt and gain enough skill in a short period of time to defeat the evil expert. (Right. How long does it take to become a kung fu master? Hours? Days?) It wasn’t very hard to predict what would happen next. That being said, I would have to say that Kung Fu Panda was pretty good. It was entertaining and a good way to spend an hour and a half.

Overall score: 3.5/5 stars.